Sometimes it is hard to feeling happy, like use all your energy and power to make you happy but in the end of the day you still not. Happy is not purpose of life. Happy is just a feeling, one kind of feeling, like sad, like shy, like love, like hate, like fear, like guilty, like doubt, etc. But, because happy is a "good one", so everybody try so hard to have that feeling and make happy as a purpose. Sometimes happy is just illusion before your real sad is coming. Then, I change my point of view about happy. Happy just little explosion in our heart on the way we living, happy is just really feeling and feeling turns for a second. So, I don't need to push myself to be happy all the time. Ya, I knew. Those words are my type of surrender, surrender to be a happy person. Oh man, being happy is really hard. It makes all of us becoming a slow walker because we had burden in our shoulder. "I have to be happy". No, you don't have to. It's okay if you are not.
I have been deal with so many feelings like feeling heartbreak after making someone's heartbreak, feeling bad after making an unexpected chaos in a work place, worried if my best friend talking behind my back, real homesick, fear about corona, fear about the future, sad after watching K-drama that really stab my heart, feeling guilty after kill a cockroach, feeling bad after stand in front of the mirror because getting thicker and my skincare doesn't work properly, the ups, the downs, the untold story that I keep it in my heart, boring routine, embarrassed after oversharing to stranger, insecure after posting any photo in Instagram, triggered on stranger's tweet, doubt in every step I take, society that make me feel so tired, confused to buy things or not, emptiness, numb, useless, and many more. Let embrace all of it, all the feeling. Keep feeling feelings. All you need is wake up on the next day, wake up on the next day, and on the next day. Umm, I have a very motivational word, it is a "sikat". Whatever happens in front of you, sikat. Good thing or bad thing, sikat aja udah.
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| This is me, in my "sikat" mode |
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